Some parents have inappropriate expectations for their children.
These expectations can be too high or too low. In either case,
they are not in line with your child's abilities and age. Expectations
that are too high can lead to damaged self-esteem in your child.
Expectations that are too low can stunt your child's personal
growth because he/she isn't challenged enough.
What you can do:
Note the difference between having high expectations
and putting too much stress on your child. For example,
wanting your child to attend a good college is reasonable.
But wanting your child only to go to the best college on a
full scholarship is not reasonable. Expectations like that
can place a huge amount of pressure on your child! These
kinds of unreasonable expectations can damage him/her in the
long run!
Help your child build one strength at a time.
Your child may feel helpless trying to change too many
things about themselves at once. Instead, keep your demands
focused on one goal, skill, or accomplishment. It will be
easier for your child to accomplish that one thing well,
then many things at once while under too much pressure.
If expectations are too low for your child, try challenging
your child at home by assigning chores. When you are at stores,
encourage your child to independently ask clerks for help. When
you are in with other people, encourage your child to start or
become part of conversations on his/her own.
Your child always has something to say! Don't assume
your child has nothing to contribute to a conversation, no
matter what your child's age.
Older children with behavior problems may feel
left out or may rebel because there are too many rules.
Many children simply need a way for their concerns to be heard.
Include them in family talks and ask their opinions.
Around the house, give your child things to do that
will build problem solving and motor skills. Give him/her a
chance to accomplish something and feel helpful, and praise
your child for the progress s/he makes.
Ask your doctor at what ages children should be able to
do certain things. They can give you suggestions on reasonable
goals for you and your child to work toward.
