Inappropriate Expectations

Some parents have inappropriate expectations for their children. These expectations can be too high or too low. In either case, they are not in line with your child's abilities and age. Expectations that are too high can lead to damaged self-esteem in your child. Expectations that are too low can stunt your child's personal growth because he/she isn't challenged enough.

What you can do:

• Note the difference between having high expectations and putting too much stress on your child. For example, wanting your child to attend a good college is reasonable. But wanting your child only to go to the best college on a full scholarship is not reasonable. Expectations like that can place a huge amount of pressure on your child! These kinds of unreasonable expectations can damage him/her in the long run!
• Help your child build one strength at a time. Your child may feel helpless trying to change too many things about themselves at once. Instead, keep your demands focused on one goal, skill, or accomplishment. It will be easier for your child to accomplish that one thing well, then many things at once while under too much pressure.
• If expectations are too low for your child, try challenging your child at home by assigning chores. When you are at stores, encourage your child to independently ask clerks for help. When you are in with other people, encourage your child to start or become part of conversations on his/her own.
• Your child always has something to say! Don't assume your child has nothing to contribute to a conversation, no matter what your child's age.
• Older children with behavior problems may feel left out or may rebel because there are too many rules. Many children simply need a way for their concerns to be heard. Include them in family talks and ask their opinions.
• Around the house, give your child things to do that will build problem solving and motor skills. Give him/her a chance to accomplish something and feel helpful, and praise your child for the progress s/he makes.
• Ask your doctor at what ages children should be able to do certain things. They can give you suggestions on reasonable goals for you and your child to work toward.