Dear Pediatric team:
I was so upset yesterday. My 18-month-old toddler bit another child at childcare! Her
teacher says that a few other children in the group are going through the "biting stage" and not
to worry. She said my daughter will outgrow it, but I don't want it to happen again! What should I do?
Horrified Mom
Dear Mom:
It is perfectly normal for toddlers to bite. It is also perfectly normal for
parents to be upset! You may also feel embarrassed about it. Your child's teacher
is partly correct when she says your daughter will outgrow it. Toddlers often go
through a period of grabbing or biting things. They don't always have words to express
their emotions. Often they tell us what is on their mind physically by hitting or biting.
Children can also be very oral, or focused on their mouths while they are learning language.
Biting is an unwelcome result of that focus. As toddlers grow, learn language to communicate,
and learn social rules, the biting phase ends with few or no mishaps. But, biting can become
a problem for some children, so you are right to be concerned. Thankfully, there are many
ways to deal with this behavior should happen again. Here are some suggestions for calmly
and effectively helping your child if she is biting.
Be a detective. Find out why your child is biting or hitting. Does your child
get excited and try to kiss too hard? Is your child angry? Is he responding to another child's
aggression? Is your child under stress? Is your child copying another child? Knowing why your
child is biting or hitting is the first step in planning an intervention.
Let your child know that biting is not OK. Calmly tell your child
"no biting" or "no hitting". Give them ideas of something else they can do to blow off
stream, like screaming into a pillow.
Use time-out if necessary. Some children need to be removed from
the situation for a few moments of time-out.
Pay attention to the victim. Teach your child the consequences
of biting by comforting the victim.
Never hit or bite back. That sends a hurtful, scary, and
confusing message to the child that some people (big adults) are allowed to bite.
Be ready with a hug. Let your child know that you still love
him/her, even when you have to set limits.
For more helpful hints on biting or other challenges in parenting
toddlers, read: Kutner, L. (1995). Toddlers and Preschoolers: The Parent
Child Series: Avon Books: NY.
