Biting in Toddlerhood

Dear Pediatric team:
I was so upset yesterday. My 18-month-old toddler bit another child at childcare! Her teacher says that a few other children in the group are going through the "biting stage" and not to worry. She said my daughter will outgrow it, but I don't want it to happen again! What should I do?
Horrified Mom

Dear Mom:
It is perfectly normal for toddlers to bite. It is also perfectly normal for parents to be upset! You may also feel embarrassed about it. Your child's teacher is partly correct when she says your daughter will outgrow it. Toddlers often go through a period of grabbing or biting things. They don't always have words to express their emotions. Often they tell us what is on their mind physically by hitting or biting. Children can also be very oral, or focused on their mouths while they are learning language. Biting is an unwelcome result of that focus. As toddlers grow, learn language to communicate, and learn social rules, the biting phase ends with few or no mishaps. But, biting can become a problem for some children, so you are right to be concerned. Thankfully, there are many ways to deal with this behavior should happen again. Here are some suggestions for calmly and effectively helping your child if she is biting.

• Be a detective. Find out why your child is biting or hitting. Does your child get excited and try to kiss too hard? Is your child angry? Is he responding to another child's aggression? Is your child under stress? Is your child copying another child? Knowing why your child is biting or hitting is the first step in planning an intervention.
• Let your child know that biting is not OK. Calmly tell your child "no biting" or "no hitting". Give them ideas of something else they can do to blow off stream, like screaming into a pillow.
• Use time-out if necessary. Some children need to be removed from the situation for a few moments of time-out.
• Pay attention to the victim. Teach your child the consequences of biting by comforting the victim.
• Never hit or bite back. That sends a hurtful, scary, and confusing message to the child that some people (big adults) are allowed to bite.
• Be ready with a hug. Let your child know that you still love him/her, even when you have to set limits.
• For more helpful hints on biting or other challenges in parenting toddlers, read: Kutner, L. (1995). Toddlers and Preschoolers: The Parent Child Series: Avon Books: NY.