"I Can Do It": Promoting Self-Esteem (Adapted from Healthy Steps)

Children Learn What They Live-Dorothy Law Nolte

If a child lives with criticism, she learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, she learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, she learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, she learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, she learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, she learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, she learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, she learns justice.

If a child lives with security, she learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, she learns to like herself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, she learns to find love in the world.

Studies show that children who have positive self-esteem grow up to be more competent, secure adults who are better able to have rewarding relationships with others. Self-esteem must be nurtured in children. Children need special attention to develop positive self-worth. Children want to be independent but at the same time need a secure base of care from parents. If they have security and love, children can grow confident and strong. Childhood is a critical time for forming impressions about themselves and their abilities to function successfully in their ever-expanding worlds. How can you support your child's positive self-esteem?

• Offer unconditional love. Let your child know through word and gesture that she is loved no matter what. When you disapprove of your child's behavior, let her know that it is the behavior you don't like, not her.
• Give your child some independence and control. Let your child learn new things and participate in the world around her. Let her make her own age-appropriate choices. You can keep your child safe while allowing her to spread her wings.
• Avoid shaming words. Criticizing, blaming, and ridiculing children are damaging to self-esteem. Choose your words carefully and remember their power. You can disapprove of a behavior, but let your child know that you approve of him.
• Don't compare your child with others. All children develop at their own pace. Your child needs to know that she is doing just fine.
• Praise your child for specific things they do. Being specific like "Good job putting that in the trash" helps teach what you want as well as build self-esteem. This also helps reduce sibling jealousy.
• Set your child up to behave well. Be sure your child has enough sleep, gets regular snacks and meals, and has a place to play where a mess is not a problem. This reduces irritable behavior and the need to say "No".
• Develop your own self-esteem. Parents who report positive self-esteem tend to have children with positive self-esteem. Let your child know what you are proud of in yourself.