My teenager says "I'm confused about my gender"

Some people feel they were born in the wrong body. They may feel like they should be a boy instead of a girl or a girl instead of a boy. Other people are born with female and male sexual qualities (i.e., features and/or sexual parts). They may consider themselves either a boy or a girl or intersex (just the way they are). If any of these scenarios sounds like your child, you may have a lot of questions. You may be asking:

• Does this happen to other people?
• Is my child going to be okay?
• Does this mean my child is gay?
• How do I tell family and friends?
• What can I do to help my child?

It is very important to reach out for support as your child figures out their gender orientation (e.g., male, female, intersex). Be assured that many other children and families before you have gone through this, survived and thrived. A good place to start is to get information. Talk to your child's doctor. Your child's doctor has a pledge to keep a medical history private so you can feel safe talking to them. And he or she will have suggestions of places that provide information and support. At the library and on the web you can read about other families who have dealt with gender confusion. You can also get information and get in touch with local support groups or hotlines. Below are some suggestions of resources.

Undoubtedly for both you and your child this is a difficult issue to come to terms with. When you talk to your child about their gender confusion try to be as open and supportive as you can. Listen. A lot. By listening to your child, they feel supported and will keep talking to you in the future. Also your support will help them be happier no matter what they decide about their gender orientation. If they are sexually active, urge them to practice safe sex and always use a condom. Monitor your child for signs of depression (e.g., crying, not being themselves, talking about not wanting to live). And talk to your doctor right away if your child seems depressed.

Resources:
Trans Proud, The National Coalition for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Youth, 369 Third Street, Suite B-362, San Rafael, CA 94901-3581. On the web at http://www.transproud.com/. Click on Queer America (or go to http://www.queeramerica.com/) to get a listing of support groups and organizations for questioning, gay, lesbian or transgender youth near your hometown.
Intersex Society of North America, 979 Golf Course Drive #282, Rohnert Park, CA 94928. On the web at: http://www.isna.org.
Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. 1726 M Street, NW, Suite 400, Washington, D.C. 20036. Phone: 202-467-8180, Fax: 202-467-8194. On the web at http://www.pflag.org/. Additional information for parents of transgender children at: http://www.youth-guard.org/pflag-tnet/.