Separation Anxiety Disorder, School Age

You said that your child often becomes very upset or afraid when s/he has to be away from you. Your child may "play sick" or try to stay home from school. It is quite common for children aged 5 to 7 and 11 to 14 to not want to go to school. There are some children, however, who have an intense fear of being away from their parents. You said your child has these kinds of problems. Children who feel this way often have something called Separation Anxiety Disorder.

Your child probably acts in some of the following ways:

• Becomes very upset when s/he is away from you
• Becomes very upset when you leave him/her
• Is very worried that something awful will happen to you or someone s/he loves (i.e. getting hurt, getting killed)
• Is very worried that something bad will happen to him/her (i.e. getting lost; being kidnapped)
• Does not want to go to school
• Is very afraid of being alone
• Refuses to fall asleep without you near him/her
• Has nightmares about being away from you
• Has stomachaches, headaches, or nausea when s/he has to be away from you

You may also notice some of the following problems:

Your child:

• Is afraid to be in a room by him/herself
• Won't let go of you; hangs on you
• Follows you around the house
• Has temper tantrums when forced to go to school

When your child has to be away from you, s/he may act in some of the following ways:

• Avoids other children; does not want to play with other children
• Appears sad or upset
• Has problems concentrating at school
• Is afraid of certain things (e.g. animals, monsters, the dark, kidnappers, burglars, or car accidents)
• Is worried about death and/or dying
• When alone, s/he reports seeing strange things (e.g., seeing people peering into his/her room)

Separation Anxiety Disorder happens more often than you might think. About 4 out of every 100 children have these types of problems.

Adapted in part from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) Facts for Families© series (1997), the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Primary Care (DSM-PC) (1996) , and the American Psychiatric Association (APA) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder: Fourth Edition (1994) .

How to Help your Child with Separation Anxiety

• Practice separation with your child
• Help your child relax and then practice separation. Begin with having your child separate from the least distressing time- such as being on another floor in the house or watching you through a window first. Gradually, extend the separation little by little until the most distressing - actual separation.
• Reward your child each time he tolerates a separation, no matter how small.
• Role-play separation
• Pretend to be your child and have him pretend to be you. Role-play having your child (as you) leaving and you (as your child) pretend to be upset. Have your child comfort you and tell you that he will be back soon.
• Use a transition object
• Instead of facing a feared situation alone give your child is giving a symbol of yourself- usually soft and comforting, reminding him/her of you, creating a feeling of safety (teddy bear, doll, picture of parent). This should be selected by child.