As a parent or caregiver, you have probably heard of "time-out", or you may have
even used time-out with your child. Frequently parents using time-out can become frustrated
with it and not find it effective. For time-out to be successful very specific steps need to
be followed. The information below can help you successfully use time-out. When used correctly
time-out can greatly reduce difficult child behaviors. It helps child learn to calm down
and sends a clear message to your child that you have set a limit and you mean it.
Things to know before you try using time out:
Starting to use time-out will take a lot of your time and effort. Although it is
called "time-out", it is not time off for you as a parent.
For time-out to be successful, it needs to be used infrequently. This means that you
cannot use time-out as a response to all your child's challenging behavior.
Plan ahead! Before ever using time-out decide what behavior will lead to a time-out.
It is probably a good idea to pick 2 or 3 of your child's challenging behaviors to target.
For instance, hitting or not following directions may be good behaviors to target.
For time-out to be successful, it needs to be used consistently. This means that every
time your child does the target behavior, they get a time-out.
Before you use time-out, decide where time-out should be. It needs to be in a specific
location. The time-out location should be really boring (no TV, toys, people walking by or other distractions).
It is best to put a sturdy, adult sized chair in the time-out spot.
A kitchen or a hallway may make a good time-out spot -you need to be able to keep your
eye on your child during time-out.
The time-out chair should not be in a corner or close to a wall.
It is not fair to start using time-out without warning. Before you use time-out, tell
your child what time-out is. Show them where time-out will be and be sure to tell them what behaviors
will lead to a time out ("If you hit someone, then you will go to time-out")
Using time-out gets easier over time. The first few times you use time-out will
probably be very difficult! As you and your child get used to it, it should get easier. Some children
even begin to put them self in time-out when they need one!
Guidelines for using time-out.
Time-out should only be used after efforts have been made to prevent misbehavior
(for example, you should be giving your child lots of attention for good behavior)
Time-out should be brief and not used very often
Time-out should not be used as a threat
Children should not be scolded or made fun of when in time-out
Steps for using time out:
When your child misbehaves, immediately give your child a brief explanation that
they are going to time-out for misbehaving ("You hit your brother, you are going to time out").
Walk your child to the time-out chair (you may have to carry your child).
Leave your child in the time-out chair for a brief amount of time.
About 1 minute for each year old they are. A 2-year-old would be in the chair for 2 minutes.
You can use a timer or keep track in your head. The exact amount of time is not what matters.
What matters is that your child sits, calms, and waits until you say time-out is over. If you
make time-out too long, your child will be unable to sit that long and get angry. Young
children will forget why they are in time-out if it is too long and it will not work. Some
older children just need to sit in time-out for a moment to calm.
Find what works for your child. For some children, using a timer helps as they stop
worrying about how long they have to sit there. For other children, using a timer
makes them anxious. Again, find what works best for your child.
Before you tell your child time-out is over, make sure your child is calm for at least 5 seconds.
During the time-out (and when you are taking your child to time-out), do not talk to
or look at your child. This is extremely important! Your attention is very rewarding to your child
and you could accidently reward their behavior by talking or even making eye contact.
Stay close by during the time-out. You must be watching your child out of the corner of
your eye, but not directly giving your attention.
Be persistent! If your child gets up, put him/her back in the chair. Using time-out
takes your full attention and it could take a long time to get your child to stay in the chair for the
amount of time they are supposed to.
If your child continues to get up, restrain him/her on your lap
facing away from you. Holding should always be firm but gentle. You should
pay as little attention as possible to him/her during this time. Never hold your
child in time-out if you are too angry and might get rough. When your child
has required restraint several times, start asking "Can you sit or do I have to hold you?"
This gives the child the expectation that they can earn back easier time out.
Tell your child when they time-out is over.
When the time-out is over, let your child rejoin the activity and praise good behavior.
Reconnect with your child and let him/her know you still love him/her.
Things to remember:
Time-out may not be the best option for all children or parents.
Parents should use other strategies, like praising good behavior and ignoring minor
challenging behavior, in addition to time-out.
It takes a lot of persistence and hard work to use time-out successfully. Do not give up
after one try!
