Responding to Teasing and Bullying

Teasing and bullying are very common in children. It is very hard for parents to see their children get teased. When children have big reactions to getting teased or bullied, like getting mad or crying, it can actually make things worse. Lots of times bullies pick on kids more when they respond to teasing and bullying by getting upset. There is a strategy you can teach your child, called fogging, that stop bullies in their tracks and makes it less likely your child will get teased or bullied in the future.

What is fogging?

Fogging is when someone responds to bullying coolly and calmly, not letting the bully see him/her get upset and acting like it is no big deal.

What are the steps to fogging?

1. Act really brave when being bullied. Keep eye contact with the bully, stand tall, and talk to the bully in a calm voice.

2. If the bully is saying something mean, agree with him/her and act like it is no big deal. For instance saying, "You're right my ears do stick out," or "Yep I know I do like to read a lot and care about my grades."

You can tell the bully flat out that you are not bothered by his/her opinion. For instance say, "That's your opinion that I'm a dork, and that's okay by me."

3. Don't give the bully the upper hand. Bullies often times ask mean questions like "Why are you such a suck up to the teacher?" You can stay in control by asking a question in return like, "Why do you think I am such a suck up?"

You can also ask the bully questions about why he/she is bothered by your behavior. For instance ask, "Why does it bother you that I like to spend time in the library?"

Asking questions calmly takes the power away from the bully.

The fogging technique may seem strange, but it really works! This is because bullies thrive on seeing people upset and feeling powerful. When fogging, your child needs to stay calm and in control. Your child will have to fake these feelings for a while, but over time, he/she can really start to feel okay when being teased. Have your child practice fogging with you at home.

Always encourage your child to talk to you about teasing and bullying. Be supportive and reassuring. Don't encourage your child to bully back as this could make things much worse. Talk to your child's teacher or other parents if you are really concerned about the bullying. Fogging only works with verbal bullying or teasing. If a bully ever physically hurts your child, encourage him/her to get help from an adult right away.