As a parent, you can influence your child's behavior by how you respond to it.
Give rewards for your child's good behavior and ignore or give negative consequences for your
child's misbehavior. Be on the lookout for good behavior throughout the day and give lots of little rewards.
Your child will start doing those good behaviors more often. Here are 4 tips for using rewards and
consequences to help your child.
Tip #1: Find out what is rewarding to your child. All children are different which means
they all have different things they like and are rewarded by. Talk to your child and find out what he/she
likes and use those things as rewards. For instance, some child love stickers and are greatly rewarded by
getting one. Other children love collecting cards, like baseball cards or Yugioh cards. Some children just
love to play and are rewarded by getting extra play time. Others love watching TV or playing on the computer.
For these children, "screen time" can be a perfect reward.
Tip #2: Give rewards after your child does something good - especially if it is something
hard for your child. You may want to let your child do something he/she likes after doing something hard.
For instance, let him/her watch TV after doing homework or play outside after doing the dishes. Praise
your child's good behavior and give him/her compliments throughout the day. A simple, "great job!" or
"you are really good at helping around the house," can go a long way. Even smiling at your child can
be rewarding. You can also give stickers or small candies as rewards. A trip to the dollar store to
pick out a small toy can be a wonderful reward for a child. Do not give these rewards after misbehavior
so your child learns that only good behavior leads to these good things. Give the reward immediately after
the good behavior so your child makes a connection between good behavior and good things happening.
Tip #3: Give negative consequences for misbehavior, but make them fair and short.
To discourage bad behavior, you can remove privileges after misbehavior. For example, you may not let
your child watch TV if he/she did not do homework or do not let your child have a special treat if they
are uncooperative. You could stop playing a board game if your child cheats or is playing unfairly or put
a toy away if your child is not sharing. When you have to give a negative consequence, make it brief.
Instead of saying your child cannot watch television all month, try taking away television for the evening.
Large negative consequences are hard to carry out and parents end up forgetting about them. Overtime,
children learn they are not going to be followed through. Extreme negative consequences can also hurt
the parent-child relationship. Avoid becoming very angry when you give out consequences. Unfair
consequences are often given in the heat of the moment. If you get upset, take a moment to cool down
before you give the consequence.
Tip #4: Give more rewards than negative consequences. There is a good rule that for
every one negative consequence, you should give 5 rewards. This means you have to be constantly on
the lookout for your child's good behavior! You do not have to give a lot of big or elaborate rewards
(just give big rewards every once in a while). Instead, give your child lots and lots of praise,
compliments, pats on the back, cheers, and smiles. Give many rewards throughout the day. Save negative
consequences for the really problematic behavior (for example, your child hitting his/her sibling or not
following directions). You may need to ignore some minor misbehavior (for example, whining or complaining).
