Sibling Relationships DTW

Key Points

• Siblings are a major influence on children's social development. They teach conversing, fantasy play, sharing, negotiating, learning to manage aggression, and contrasting gender roles and personal skills and interests.
• The arrival of a new sibling is commonly associated with behavioral change in the child, and shifts in the child's relationship with parents.
• Increased problems with toileting, clinginess, and aggression are common following the birth of the sibling (Stewart, R.B. 1987) . Stewart et al. (p. 354) call this mimicry ("a strategy for reobtaining the lost interaction with, or attention from, the mother") rather than regression.
• Playful interaction between mothers and older siblings may decrease with the birth of the new sibling; however, the same may not be true of fathers (Stewart, R.B. 1987) .
• The pattern of relationships between siblings can be seen early, and demonstrates stability in some studies (e.g. Dunn, Slomkowski & Beardsall, 1994 ; Lamb, 1978).
• By interacting with siblings and observing how their parents respond to siblings, children learn social skills such as empathy and conflict negotiation. Sibling relationships also provide opportunities for imitation (for the younger sibling) and leadership (for the older sibling; Lamb, 1978). Children without siblings may need added opportunities outside the family to gain these skills.
• Sibling relationships provide a source of support during times of stress, e.g. increased closeness and affection during periods of family stress (Dunn, J. 1994) .
• Factors affecting relationships include: gender and age of siblings, temperament, parental caregiving and discipline, and level of family stress. These are discussed further below:
• Research on birth order, age, and sex has produced conflicting results. Daniels et al. found these contributed little in the prediction of adolescents' experiences within their families (Daniels, D. 1985) . A review by Minnett, Vandell and Santrock (1983) suggested increased cognitive ability and increased dominance among first-born siblings, increased aggression among preschool-aged older siblings, increased teaching among school-aged older siblings, and increased imitation and submission among infancy-aged younger siblings.
• Research on sibling spacing effects is inconclusive. Minnett et al.'s review suggested more harmonious interactions with widely spaced young school-aged children.
• Gender differences: Minnett et al. cited research suggesting female older siblings engage in more positive, teaching, and caretaking behavior of their younger siblings; mixed-sex pairs engage in less harmonious interactions; however, their own research supported the opposite finding. Other research findings are also mixed (e.g. Newman, 1994).
• Temperament: higher levels of conflict when one or both are temperamentally high in activity and intensity, and low in persistence (Newman, J. 1994) .
• Parents' treatment of siblings: mothers who are less responsive to their children tend to have children who interact less positively with each other; however, children of less responsive mothers may also rely upon each other for help (e.g. Bryant & Crockenberg, 1980). Mothers show greater responsiveness and greater intrusiveness with younger, compared to older, siblings (Bryant, B.K. 1980) . Mothers who demonstrate differential treatment of siblings also tend to have children who interact less with each other, and who demonstrate increased conflict in their interactions (Brody, G.H. 1987) ; (Bryant, B.K. 1980) ; (Stocker, C. 1989) .
• Conflict is not uncommon among sibling pairs, but prosocial behavior appears to occur more frequently (Newman, J. 1994) . Negative behavior correlates between siblings. For example, Bryant and Crockenberg (1980, p. 542) found that behaviors such as "boasting mutual achievement, refusal to help or share, accepting help, and anger, were predicted better by sibling behavior than maternal behavior ..." Actual violence between siblings (throwing things, hitting, etc.) is also not uncommon (Newman, J. 1994) .

Management

General Advice (See Also: Helping Siblings Get Along PT)

• Help parents foster sibling cooperation by teaching trading and taking turns; providing chores and games with joint goals; encouraging noncompetitive activities; and positively reinforcing successful interaction, for example, through "marks". (See Also: Marks for Good behavior pt)
• Encourage regular "family meetings" to discuss and negotiate sibling issues (See Also: Family Meetings pt)
• Recognize that rivalry between siblings is almost universal
• Discuss providing single children with additional opportunities to learn social skills, e.g. play dates, spending time with extended family, day camp in the summer, and involvement in community groups and activities.

Preparing for and Managing the Arrival of New Siblings (See Also: Helping Siblings Adjust to the New Baby PT)

• Consider sibling preparation classes and discuss realistic descriptions of newborn behavior with other siblings. Encourage parents not to force siblings to interact with newborns.
• Provide adequate support for new parents, while advising them about ways of helping the older children cope with the demands of an infant sibling.
• For toddler-aged older siblings who demonstrate regressive behavior such as requesting bottles or pacifiers, talking 'baby talk,' and asking to be held like a baby, Lieberman (1993) recommends accepting the toddler's behavior. Doing so will reassure the toddler that he or she is still loved.
• At the same time, parents should be encouraged to offer the older sibling opportunities for competence. "The toddler's ability to do things better than the baby can be a good antidote for feelings of jealousy" (Lieberman, 1993, p. 168). Similarly, Brazelton (1992) suggests that parents offer older siblings the opportunity to engage in caretaking tasks (getting diapers when needed, picking out clothes for the baby, etc.) when possible but without requiring it.
• Offer special time to the older sibling whenever possible (Lieberman, 1993). (See Also: Special Time pt
• Prepare older siblings for contact with adults outside the immediate family, and offer special attention to the older sibling when others are preoccupied by the new baby (Brazelton, T.B. 1992) .

Sibling Fights (See Also: Sibling fights and bullying PT)

• Allow siblings to deal with their own conflicts (Lieberman, A.F. 1993) unless severe. When parents take on the role of 'moderator' (p. 171) rather than stepping in to solve the problem for the children, siblings develop problem-solving skills. Avoid favoritism or reprimanding or punishing both children before determining the cause of the conflict (Lieberman, A.F. 1993) .
• Be aware of the need to protect vulnerable siblings. One third of child abuse includes abuse by a sibling.
• Consider referral for problem child
• Follow-up visit or referral in severe cases

Potential Challenge Probes

• General: "How are the older ones showing their jealousy?" "How does he get along with his sisters and brothers?" "How are things in the sister/brother department?" If doing pretty well, acknowledge ("We don't expect them to be able to get along all the time. But it sounds like your family is a place now where they can learn how to work things out without hurting each other. That's great." Or: "Most families are really struggling with this so you really should be congratulated.") If not so good: "How bad does it get?"
• Distinguish damaging forms of aggression from milder conflict that siblings can resolve on their own. If this is a problem: "What do you do when it gets that bad?" (Parental interventions can sometimes increase sibling disputes.)
• If parent tries to find out "who started it" too much say: "It is impossible to always know how it got started so it is usually best to tell them they have to be separated 'if they can't work it out themselves."
• If one child is singled out:
• Consider child factors such as ADHD or mood disorder
• Consider parent factors such as different feelings about each child based on their own experiences with parents and siblings, and on their children's characteristics
• Check for unrealistic expectations for behavior
• Check current level of stress
• Check parent conflict resolution models

Citations

1. Brazelton, T.B. (1992). Touchpoints: Your child's emotional and behavioral development.
2. Brody, G.H., Stoneman, Z., Burke, M. (1987). Child temperaments, maternal differential behavior, and sibling relationships. .
3. Bryant, B.K., Crockenberg, S.B. (1980). Correlates and dimensions of prosocial behavior: A study of female siblings with their mothers. .
4. Daniels, D., Dunn, J., Furstenberg, F.F., Plomin, R. (1985). Environmental differences within the family and adjustment differences within pairs of adolescent siblings. .
5. Dunn, J., Slomkowski, C., Beardsall, L. (1994). Sibling relationships from the preschool period through middle childhood and early adolescence. .
6. Lamb, M.E. (1978). The development of sibling relationships in infancy: A short-term longitudinal study. .
7. Lieberman, A.F. (1993). The Emotional Life of the Toddler.
8. Minnett, A.M., Vandell, D.L., Santrock, J.W. (1983). The effects of sibling status on sibling interaction: Influence of birth order, age spacing, sex of child, and sex of sibling. .
9. Newman, J. (1994). Conflict and friendship in sibling relationships: A review. .
10. Stewart, R.B., Mobley, L.A., Van Tuyl, S.S., Salvador, M.A. (1987). The firstborn's adjustment to the birth of a sibling: A longitudinal assessment. .
11. Stocker, C., Dunn, J., Plomin, R. (1989). Sibling relationships: Links with child temperament, maternal behavior, and family structure.. .