Emotional-Behavioral Regulation I: Biting
Dear Pediatric team:
I was so upset yesterday. My 18-month-old toddler bit another child at childcare!
Her teacher says that a few other children in the group are going through the
"biting stage" and not to worry. She said my daughter will outgrow it, but I
don't want it to happen again! What should I do?
Horrified Mom
Dear Mom:
It is perfectly normal for toddlers to bite and perfectly normal for parents
to be very upset and embarrassed about it. Your child's teacher is partly correct.
Toddlers often go through a period of grabbing or biting things. They don't
always have words to express their emotions and often communicate physically
by hitting or biting. Children can also be very oral, or focused on their
mouths while they are learning language. Biting is an unwelcome result
of that focus. As toddlers grow, learn language to communicate, and
learn social rules, the biting phase ends with few or no mishaps.
But, biting can become a problem for some children, so you are right
to be concerned. Thankfully, there are many ways to deal with aggressive
behavior calmly and effectively if it should happen again. Here are
some suggestions for helping your child if she is biting:
Emotional-Behavioral Regulation II: Sharing and Turn Taking
Sharing and turn taking can be very difficult for toddlers. They are just beginning
to learn social rules and how to behave with other children. These new skills
are very hard to master! Toddlers still believe they are the center of the
universe, and this egocentric thought prevents them from fully understanding
another person's needs. They may be beginning to understand the concept of
ownership ("mine!"), but their egocentric thought leads them to conclude
that they own everything! Imagine their horror when toddlers are asked
to hand over a toy to another child! Toddlers' limited understanding of
sharing, their neediness and their impulsivity all contribute to the
enormous difficulty of sharing. Don't expect to see much sharing until
your toddler gets older and more social.
Emotional-Behavioral Regulation III: I'm Big, But I Still Want My Blankie
The push-pull of toddlerhood-wanting to be independent, but needing to be close
to a parent-continues with the eighteen-month-old. You may be feeling confused
and frustrated with the messages your child gives you. One minute your toddler
demands to dress "me self," and another minute your toddler is clinging to your
legs and refusing to go to childcare. This is a tough time for both toddlers and
parents. Your child is feeling a full range of emotions at growing up-from
excitement to fear and anxiety. You may both be exhausted with the intensity
of it all.
Comforting objects-sometimes called transitional objects-may be very important to your child at this time. Blankies, stuffed animals, or pacifiers can be familiar comforts to toddlers who are overwhelmed with new independence and growing separation from parents. You may find yourself packing that old raggedy bunny every time you go out, or frantically calling childcare if that favorite blanket gets left behind. A transitional object is a helpful and healthy way for your child to cope with this difficult period of development.
Development: Talking and Reading
You may be discovering that your child's vocabulary is getting bigger every day!
Eighteen month olds typically blossom with new language skills. They can name
many objects, identify actions, ask questions and string a few words together
to make sentences. Some of what your child says may be difficult to understand,
but with time, you can puzzle it out.
Books and reading aloud are important ingredients in your child's language development. Children who are read to are better prepared to learn to read. Listening to books and stories is also a great way to develop your child's language skills. At eighteen months, children typically can point to named objects and actions in pictures. They may listen to a story for a minute or longer. And they may have a favorite book that they want you to read over and over again. These book activities are important learning experiences for children and will be wonderful memories for your child.
Make simple books with your toddler. Take photos of your toddler throughout the day. Choose pictures of familiar activities and toys that your toddler will recognize. Paste the photos on heavy paper and fasten the papers together to make a book. Toddlers love "reading" all about themselves!
Family Life & Social Support: How Well Do You Take Care of Yourself?
The toddler years bring with them the excitement of new development, along with the
difficulty of parenting a growing toddler. Both toddlers and parents can feel
exhausted and stressed during this time of change. Just as your toddler needs care,
rest and nutrition to stay healthy, you need support, care, and refueling to
keep up with the demanding job of parenting. How do you take care of yourself
when you're caring for your toddler? How do you rest and refuel? What supports
do you turn to when you're feeling stressed?
Take a few minutes to answer the following questions about caring for yourself. Invite your partner to answer the questions too. Compare your answers. Are there ways to better care for yourself during this stressful time?
Surviving the Toddler Years: Stress Management Tips for Parents
Adapted from Healthy Steps. Edited and Compiled by the Center for Promotion of Child Development Through Primary Care