How To Stop Spanking

Even parents who believe in spanking don't like doing it. The best way to stop spanking is to never start. But even if you have used it should be able to stop spanking in a few weeks. For some parents stopping spanking can be hard because it may be the way they were disciplined when they were growing up. Research shows that spanking can encourage your child to act aggressively towards you. Simply put, spanking teaches children that aggression is okay. While spanking may work now while your child is small, it will be hard to spank a 17 year old. Fortunately you are not stuck. There are many things you can do to stop spanking your child.

You first need to make a commitment to try other kids of discipline. Also pay lots of attention your child when they are behaving well. Compliment them and give them praise. Children love this. If your child needs more tangible rewards, try giving marks (See handout). Also spend lots of one-on-one time doing fun things with you child. If you don't have a lot of free time, try using the Special Time technique (See handout)

The following are some other things you can do:

• Pick the three most common behavior problems your child has. For example, three problems could be yelling, not cleaning up their room, and hitting you when they are mad. Use Time-out as your main discipline method for these three behaviors first. (See handout on Time-Out). Time-out is a very useful way to discipline.
• Both parents need to agree to use time out and not spank for several weeks. If one parent doesn't want to stop spanking the other parent should not interfere. But the spanking parent should only spank once using their hand on a clothed bottom.
• Don't interfere when your spouse is disciplining your child. Work out your disagreements about discipline when your child is not around.
• Try to notice what happens before your child misbehaves. By changing what happens before bad behavior can often avoid it. For example, you are talking on the phone and your child acts aggressive towards you. Perhaps your child is resentful that you are not paying attention to them. You might be able to prevent this bad behavior in the future. Give your child a fun activity like drawing with markers the next time you reach for the phone. Also immediately praise them if they behave while you are on the phone.
• Sometimes it is hard not to spank because when children misbehave it can make parents so angry. This is normal. If this is true for you, take a few moments to calm down before you discipline your child. This will also give your child a good example of how to deal with angry feelings.

If you feel like you are not making progress in a few weeks, talk to your pediatrician. He or she may be able to help you set up a discipline system that will work for you.