Talking to your young child about sexuality

Around the time when your child begins school or soon after, you may begin to get a lot of questions about sex. These are the things your child is most likely to ask about:

• Birth and conception.
• Puberty.
• Sexual arousal.
• Sexual intercourse.
• Homosexuality.

How your child asks about these topics will depend on their age. Also the answers you give them will depend on your child's maturity. When you talk with your young child about sex you need to talk to them in language they understand. Also make your answers simple, straightforward, and honest. Here are some suggestions of how to talk to your child at different ages.

• Age 4 years: General but true to the facts explanations are good at this age. For instance, if your child asks about how babies are made you might give them an example they can understand. "Mommies have the seeds and daddies have the fertilizer. When they get together a baby starts to grow, just like planting a flower in the garden."
• Age 5-7 years: Children are learning much more about the ins and outs of social relations at this age. Often they want to know more about happens sexually between adults. The connection between sex and making babies is often made now. Help your child understand sexuality in a healthy way. Read books that explain the basics. Talk about sex openly but let your child know it is a private act between consenting adults. The facts and values your child learns now often are the foundation for relationships as they grow up.
• Age 8-9 years: At this age your child may begin to have questions about puberty. This is a critical time to present the facts about puberty to your child. Also talk about delaying intercourse until they are grown up. Tell them about contraception (e.g. condoms). Let your child know how he or she can be protected from STD's and especially AIDS. They will remember these discussions about sexual responsibility later.
• Ages 10 and older: Check in with your child about their social lives. As they become teenagers ask about their romantic relationships. Let them know they can come to you with questions. By this age your child should know all the facts about birth and conception, puberty, sexual arousal and intercourse, and homosexuality.

Adapted from the American Academy of Pediatrics, 2001. Accessed April 1, 2005 at http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/sexuality.cfm.