Fear of Strangers in Toddlerhood (Adapted from Healthy Steps)
Fear of strangers or "stranger suspicion" is very common during the toddler years.
Toddlers are attached to familiar caregivers in their lives and feel safest with them. Toddlers
are now capable of more complex thoughts and fears, which can be shown by their avoiding adults.
Sometimes they even suddenly avoid relatives they have known for a long time- hurting their feelings!
Toddlers can also be scared of adults because they can be very annoying! Adults can come too close and
invade a toddler's personal space with pinches to cheeks, kisses, and tickles. So, although your child's
fear of strangers can be upsetting, it's a normal and understandable response. Most often, children
"grow out" of this phase.
- Don't push. Respect your toddler's fears and don't force your toddler to
interact with adults, especially with hugs and kisses. This is also part of teaching the
body respect that can protect against sexual abuse and going too far on dates later.
- Comfort your toddler. Hold hands, hug, and be reassuring. Help your child feel safe.
- Don't tease. Making fun of your toddler because she is afraid will make her
feel ashamed. Remember, toddler fears are normal; she is not being "a baby."
- Give your toddler experiences out in the world. Seeing people while you are
with them may help your toddler get used to being around a variety of people.
- Talk about who your child is going to see beforehand. Tell your child
something interesting or fun about that person to make them interested such as "Did you
know she has a dog the same color as ours?"
- Introduce a new person gradually. If you have a new person spending time
with your child, like a babysitter, let your toddler visit with that person a few times
with you there for comfort.
- Explain your toddler's fears to grandparents. Visiting family naturally
want to kiss and hug their grandchild, whom they may not have seen for a while. Reassure
them that if they "take it slow" and don't push themselves on the child, then their
grandchild will have the time to get reacquainted with them. Sometimes having the adult
ignore the child until he or she comes up to the adult is the best.
- Keep your own anxiety to yourself. If you are a shy person you may be
passing this on to your child, plus they may have inherited this tendency. After reassuring
your child, you may do better to leave them quickly if you can't control your own emotions.
You can always call in a few minutes to be sure they have adjusted.
- Trust your toddler. If your toddler really protests or becomes unusually upset
when in the company of a specific adult, she may really feel threatened and unsafe. Is this a
person that should have contact with your child? Consider whether something scary happened
with this person or someone they resemble that you need to do something about.
Adapted from Healthy Steps. Edited and Compiled by the Center for Promotion of Child Development Through Primary Care 2011