Communication and eating disorders

Good communication in a family is important. Experts say it can protect children from eating disorders and other problems. What does good communication look like? Good communication is open, trusting and supportive. Parents who are good communicators do a lot of listening. They try not to judge. They help their kids express their true feelings. In doing so, they encourage their kids to be individuals. Also they respect their child's need for privacy. This is especially important for teenagers. In turn, kids seek their parents out to help with problems and make decisions. And over time they become more independent in solving problems.

Experts think poor communication is both a cause and an effect of eating disorders. What does poor communication look like? It is guarded and not flexible. Parents are too protective or too demanding. Kids avoid solving conflicts with their parents. Sometimes parents live through the successes and failures of their children. They have a hard time letting their kids be individuals. This is called enmeshment and it is related to eating disorders. Also parents might be too lenient with bad behavior. Once problems arise, a vicious cycle can start. Kids won't talk honestly to their parents and parents won't trust their kids. If you think this sounds like your family, talk to your pediatrician. They can refer you to a psychologist or counselor who can help you get back on track. Neither parent nor child is at solely fault. But the cycle of poor communication must be broken to keep a family strong.

Here are some things you can do to encourage good communication with your child.

• Say what you mean and mean what you say. Follow through on consequences. Practice good limit setting. This builds trust.
• Make expectations fair for your child's age.
• Listen to your child. Notice that sometimes actions speak louder than words.
• When problems arise, teach them how to problem solve.
• No matter your child's age, set aside time to spend together.
• Take time each day to check in with your child and hear about how they are doing. Regularly ask about their feelings and concerns.
• Don't pressure your child to be an outstanding athlete or student. Keep your expectations in line with their abilities.
• Give your child opportunities for success. Assign family chores. Recognize promptness and good grades.
• Encourage your child to be autonomous. But do so without ignoring them. Provide more freedom with peers as more responsibility is shown.