You reported you have not gotten help with using alcohol or drugs because someone else in the family thinks it is a bad idea. You may be relieved to know that professionals, like substance use counselors, are obligated to keep their patients' information private, even from family. That is, it is possible for you to privately get help with using alcohol or drugs. These professionals have likely worked with many people who have struggles similar to yours. If you are open to trying to get help privately from a professional, a good place to start may be asking your doctor or your child's doctor for referrals. Also check out http://www.samhsa.gov/treatment/ to begin finding help in your community.