Effective Limit-Setting Can Contribute to Children's Moral Development (Adapted from Bright Futures in Practice, Mental Health)

As a parent, how can you set limits in such a way as to help your child develop a strong sense of right and wrong, and a desire to do the right thing? Here are some ideas:

• Understand that testing limits is part of normal development. Toddlers need to assert their independence... this is part of the transition from baby to kid! While consequences for misbehavior are important, remember that a certain amount of limit-testing is to be expected.
• When giving your child a consequence, make it small and immediate, and provide your child with a reason for the consequence. This will help your child to really understand and remember rules.
• Follow through! When you back down after telling your child to expect a consequence for misbehavior, you may be "teaching" your child to disobey. That is, if he or she knows that mom or dad doesn't really mean it when consequences are discussed, there is less reason to behave appropriately. Avoid making requests when you are not really willing or able to follow through.
• Be careful not to humiliate your child when he or she misbehaves. Rather, explain rules calmly and set reasonable limits.
• Make sure your expectations are reasonable. When demands are excessive, children may feel that their needs for independence are not being respected.
• Know how your daycare providers handle these issues and encourage them to be consistent with your techniques whenever possible.

Adapted from Jellinek, M. (2000). Bright Futures in Practice, Mental Health