Aggressive Behavior and Toddlers

It is perfectly normal for toddlers to bite or hit. But it can be very scary and upsetting for both parents and children. The parents of the victim also may get very angry! Many toddlers go through a phase of aggressive behavior. There are lots of reasons for this. Young toddlers don't always have words to express their emotions. Often they tell others how they feel physically by hitting or biting. Toddlers express their anger, fear, or frustration the only way they can, by using their bodies, not words. Toddlers also don't know the social rules of behaving with other people; they have to learn how to interact with others. Toddlers bite out of curiosity or when teething pain sets in. Other reasons are being unsure in a new situation, feeling hungry, bored or mad. As toddlers grow, begin to talk, and learn social rules, most grow out of hitting and biting with some simple instructions. But aggressive behavior does become a problem for some kids. Thankfully, there are many ways to deal with this calmly and effectively. First, be a detective: find out why your child is biting or hitting. Does your child get excited and try to kiss too hard? Is your child angry? Is your child under stress? Is your child copying another child? Knowing why your child is biting or hitting is the first step in planning an intervention. Then, when you see your child biting:

• Stay calm
• Separate the biter and the person bitten right away. Comfort the bitten one first to reduce the benefit of attention to the biter.
• Give your child a clear and strong message of disapproval: "Biting hurts. You hurt Tommy when you bite him" Give a consistent response each time, then put him in time out.
• Keep the message clear and simple.
• If your child is angry or frustrated, briefly give him the words to express his feelings. "You feel mad when Tommy takes your toy."
• Give her other ways to let out her feelings such as pounding a pillow or biting a toy. Practice this at times when there was no biting.
• If your child is biting because he is hungry, give him food to bite on.
• If your child is teething, give her something she can teethe on like a teething ring or a frozen bagel.
• Do not bite your child to teach him what it feels like. Biting back gives the message that it's okay to bite if you are the big person in the situation.
• Praise him for cooperating.

If biting persists after 4 weeks or after 21 months of age, consider the following:

• Does your child have some delay in developing skills so he or she is extra frustrated? Ask your doctor to check her development, especially his or her language skills.
• Is your child being hurt by another child biting him or by any other caregivers? Painful experiences can make a child bite.
• Is your child in good day care where attention is paid when he or she acts well? Are children being taught enough how to behave?
• Is your child is spending time with others who are too advanced? A child who is overwhelmed may bite.
• Is there too much yelling or tension in your home? Children can respond to this by biting.