Ignoring

Children can misbehave for many reasons. Sometimes children can do minor misbehaviors just to get the attention of the adults they care about. Children can also start to misbehave to get attention when they do not get enough attention for their good behavior. Children learn that a way they can get attention is through misbehaving. Even getting corrected for misbehaving feels better to a child than not getting enough attention.

If you think your child is misbehaving to get attention, there are two things you can do. First, make an effort to give your child lots of positive attention for his/her appropriate behaviors. Don't wait for wonderful behavior; give attention to satisfactory actions to get started changing a behavior. Beginning to give a 15 minute period of individual attention to your child every day and calling it Special Time also helps assure that a child feels s/he is getting adequate attention. Second, stop responding to your child's minor, attention seeking misbehavior. Instead briefly IGNORE your child's misbehavior; go silent and turn your back. Ignoring can be very difficult, but if you use the steps below you can change your child's behavior.

Steps to ignoring:

• Ignoring works best if you tell your child what behaviors you are planning to ignore.
• Ignore right after your child misbehaves.
• Ignore for a short period. If behavior continues or gets worse over a longer period, give consequences.
• Ignore fully. Do not talk (at all) to your child or even look at him/her while you are ignoring. Many people find they need to turn their back on the child.
• Ignore every time the same misbehavior occurs. Ignore only one behavior at a time. Pick a behavior you would like to decrease (for example, whining) and ignore it every time it happens.
• Make ignoring obvious. To make it clear to your child that you are ignoring his/her behavior, look away, start doing something else, or even start talking to another person.
• Remove other distractions. If your child is watching TV or playing he/she will not notice ignoring.
• Make ignoring powerful. Ignoring is effective only if you give your child lots of positive attention when he/she is behaving.
• When you first start ignoring a behavior your child is likely to do it more at first to see if you mean it!
• It takes about 3 weeks for ignoring to reduce an attention-getting behavior.

Misbehaviors that ignoring may decrease:

• Small lies
• Whining
• Name calling
• Teasing
• Sibling struggles that do not include physical hurting

Misbehaviors you should not ignore

• Aggression towards you or others
• Your child hurting him/herself
• Destroying things
• Anything dangerous (for example, child running into the street)

NOTE: It is not appropriate to use ignoring with infants under 18 months