Special Time (for children under age 9)

What is special time?

• A time for you and your child to play and enjoy each other's company

Special time overview:

• Set aside 15 minutes each day to have special time with your child. It is helpful to have a consistent time each day so they know when to expect special time.
• Let your child know when special time begins (example: "It is 4 o'clock so we are going to have our special time and play together").
• Get out a variety of toys for your child.
• No other children are to be involved in special time. If you are the only caregiver available and you have other children, do special time during the other child's nap or when they are involved in other play.
• Do not do special time when you are upset, very busy, or preoccupied and cannot pay undivided attention to your child.

Toys that are good for special time:

• Construction toys (like building blocks, large legos or Lincoln logs)
• Dollhouse with people
• Transportation toys (cars and trucks)
• Crayons and paper

Toys that are not so good for special time

• Toys that encourage rough or aggressive play like bats, balls, and toy guns.
• Toys that have specific rules like board games and card games
• Activities that require limit-setting like paints or scissors
• Any activities in front of a computer or television screen

What TO DO during special time:

• Relax! It is okay to just watch your child play for a few minutes before you join in playing.
• When it feels appropriate, begin to play along with your child.
• Have fun and enjoy playing with your child! Be enthusiastic as you play!
• As long as your child is safe and not hurting anyone or anything, let him/her be in charge (within reason of course). This means your child can decide what to play and how to play it.
• Comment on your child's play -you can pretend you are a sportscaster and describe, out loud, what your child is doing (example: "You shot the basketball from far away!").
• Praise your child's good behavior - tell your child specifically what you appreciate about his/her behavior (example: "I love how you are being so careful stacking the legos").

What NOT TO DO during special time:

• Do not give any directions or commands during special time.
• Do not ask your child any questions.
• Do not watch television or play on the computer as these activities do not lend themselves to interacting.
• Do not criticize or put down your child. Special time should be a time when you show your child that you love and accept him/her.
• Do not talk on the phone, text, or check your email.
• Do not talk to other people.
• These things can be very difficult but are very important! Special time is not a time for teaching or directing.

What if my child misbehaves during special time?

• If it is a minor misbehavior, try ignoring it. If your child stops the misbehavior when you ignore it, immediately praise your child's good behavior.
• If the misbehavior continues or you cannot ignore the misbehavior, tell your child that special time will not continue unless they ... (example: "keep the blocks on the ground").
• If your child continues to misbehave, then tell them that if they continue misbehaving special time is over.
• If behavior continues, end special time for the day.
• Never take special time away as a punishment for earlier behavior or use special time as a reward.

What is the point of special time?

• To notice your child's positive behavior
• To enjoy your child and let him/her enjoy being with you.
• To build a positive relationship with your child - enjoying time together is the basis of a good relationship.
• For your child to feel loved and accepted for who he/she is.

What are benefits of doing special time?

• Over time, doing special time can lead to a happier relationship between you and your child. This means less fighting and more peace in the family.
• Doing special time can make children more likely to be compliant and follow parent's directions (research shows children are more likely to listen to people they have a good relationship with).
• Special time can help you notice your child's positive behavior. Once you notice positive behaviors, you can start to reinforce (reward) them and increase the frequency the behavior occurs.
• Doing special time can decrease children's negative behaviors, such as whining. Children often do minor negative behaviors to gain parents' attention. Giving your child your full attention during special time can decrease such attention seeking behaviors.
• You may find you really start to enjoy special time and want it to last longer than 15 minutes. It is okay for special time to be longer once you are used to the "rules" of special time.