Special Time (for parents with children ages 9-12 years old)

What is special time?

• A time for you and your child to play and enjoy each other's company

What are the steps to begin special time?

• Find a time each day when your child is enjoying playing alone
• Stop what you are doing
• Ask your child if you can join him/her in playing

What TO DO during special time?

• Relax! It is okay to just watch your child play for a few minutes before you join in playing.
• When it feels appropriate, begin to play along with your child.
• Have fun! Enjoy yourself and your child during this playtime. Be enthusiastic as your play!
• As long as your child is safe and not hurting anyone or anything, let him/her be in charge (within reason of course). This means your child can decide what to play and how to play it.
• Comment on your child's play.
• Praise your child's good behavior-tell your child specifically what you appreciate about his/her behavior (example: "I love how you are being so careful stacking the legos").

What NOT TO DO during special time?

• Do not give any directions or commands during special time.
• Do not ask your child any questions.
• Do not watch television or play on the computer as these activities do not lend themselves to interacting.
• Do not criticize or put down your child. Special time should be a time when you show your child that you love and accept him/her.
• Do not talk on the phone, text, or check your email.
• Do not talk to other people. Special time should include just you and your child. If you have other children, make arrangements for them to be with someone else (if possible) during special time.

How long should special time last?

Praise and reward. When your child follows the routine, give him/her lots of praise and appreciation. You could even give stickers or gold stars for sticking to the schedule. A trip to the dollar store on the weekend for a small toy could motivate your child to follow the routine throughout the week.

• Special time does not need to last long. About 15 minutes is fine.
• It is best to not have special time be too long (over 20 minutes) at first as it can be hard to follow the special times rules for a long time. Over time, if you and your child are enjoying special time, and you are used to the "rules," you can make it longer.
• If your child does not want special time to end, remind him/her that you will have special time again tomorrow.

What is the point of special time?

• To notice your child's positive behavior.
• To enjoy your child and let him/her enjoy being with you.
• To build a positive relationship with your child - enjoying time together is the basis of a good relationship.
• For your child to feel loved and accepted for who he/she is.

What are benefits of doing special time?

• Over time, doing special time can lead to a happier relationship between you and your child. This means less fighting and more peace in the family.
• Doing special time can make children more likely to be compliant and follow parent's directions (research shows children are more likely to listen to people they have a good relationship with).
• Special time can help you notice your child's positive behavior. Once you notice positive behaviors, you can start to reinforce (reward) them and increase the frequency the behavior occurs.
• Doing special time can decrease children's negative behaviors, such as whining. Children often do minor negative behaviors to gain parents' attention. Giving your child your full attention during special time can decrease such attention seeking behaviors.