Setting Goals for Change (for parents of children with ADHD)

It is important for everyone to have goals. When we have a goal we can focus our efforts to accomplish it. Accomplishing goals gives us a sense of pride and mastery. Setting goals for change for your child with ADHD can help eliminate problems and bring success. When you share these goals with your child's teachers and doctor you can all work together towards the common goal. Here are some things to keep in mind when coming up with goals for change:

• Be specific. It is easier to find a way to accomplish specific goals, rather than general goals. The very general goal, "I want my child to behave better," would be hard to figure out how to accomplish. If you have a goal about your child's behavior, think of exact behaviors you wish would change. For instance, "I want less fights at homework time," would be easier to make a plan to accomplish. The more specific your goals, the better.
• Think small. Normally people are encouraged to think big, but when it comes to goals smaller is better! It is easier, and more realistic to accomplish one, small goal at a time. Big goals are normally not specific ("I want my child to have a better attitude"). Big goals also lead people to get discouraged and give up. Instead of thinking big, pick one, small goal for change (for example, "I want my child to respond when I ask him a question").
• Think about how you will measure your goal. A good goal is one that can be measured. If it cannot be measured easily, how will you know when you accomplished it? Pick goals that you can really measure. For instance, if your goal is for your child to turn in more homework, you can measure your goal by having your child's teacher record the number of missed assignments each week (click here for information about a daily report card). Measuring your goal lets you know if you and your child are moving in the right direction.
• Think about how to reward the goal. In order to accomplish a goal, you will have to know a way to reward your child's new behavior. For example, if you want your child to spend more time doing homework think of way to reward homework time. You could let your child play on the computer or watch television AFTER homework is complete. A good goal is one that can rewarded.
• Get your child's input. Your child will have his/her own goals. Talk to your child about their goals. Maybe he/she wants to get better grades in school, have an easier time getting ready in the morning, or have more close friends. Discuss your goals and your child's goals together. You and your child can come up with a plan together to accomplish goals.
• Practice acceptance. You may have goals for your child that are not realistic because of your child's temperament/disposition. For instance, you may want your child to be less "on the go," but being energetic may just be part of who your child is. This may be especially true if your child is very different than you are. Practice accepting those things and focus on goals that can really help your child. The best goals focus on teaching your child skills (for example, good study habits), not changing who they are.