Need for Acceptance

All children need to know their parents love and accept them. If your child has problems like ADHD or ODD, it is particularly important to show him/her love and acceptance. Acceptance from parents can help children's self-esteem and give them the confidence to try new things. When children feel accepted, they are more likely to talk to their parents about problems. Children that feel accepted also get along better with their parents, argue less, and follow directions more.

There may be things about your child that you wish would change, but really these things are part of who your child is. For example, some parents wish their children were less "on the go," but having lots of energy may just be part of your child's temperament/disposition. Practice accepting these things about your child. Instead of focusing on these things, focus on the things that you love about your child. Show your child love and acceptance.

• Here are some ways to show your child love and acceptance:
• Praise and reward your child. When your child does something good, like does chores or follows directions, show your child how much you appreciate it. Be constantly on the lookout for good behavior. Praise even minor good behavior. Praise can be short like saying, way to go!, or thank you so much! You can also give little rewards like gold stars, stickers, your child's favorite treat or a trip to the dollar store for a small toy. Being very specific in your praise, like Good job cleaning your room, the floor is spotless! can really help your child connect your praise to the good thing he/she did.
• Compliment your child. Tell your child the things you like and appreciate about him/her. When your child does something well, tell him/her. Do not assume your child just knows these things---say your compliments out loud and frequently.
• Sing your child's praises. Tell people in your child's life about his/her wonderful qualities. Tell his/her teachers about what your child does really well and the things you appreciate about your child. When people get frustrated with your child, remind them of good things about your child. When your child accomplishes something (for example, scores a goal in a soccer game) tell people about it. If your child does well on a test, hang it on the fridge for everyone to see.
• Have happy playtime. Spend time playing with your child every day. Let your child pick an activity or game and play along. Do not ask a lot of questions or give a lot directions while you play. Instead, focus on having fun. Smile and laugh to show your child that you enjoy playing with him/her.
• Having a hard time with acceptance? When children have behavior problems, like ADHD or ODD, it can be easy for parents to feel frequently irritated and upset. These feelings can make showing acceptance hard. Some parents report that although they love their child, there are days when they find it hard to like him/her. There are things you can do to like your child more and show him/her more acceptance. Here are some ideas:
• Keep a journal. Write down a list of all the things you love about your child. Add to the list every time you think of a new thing. When you are struggling with your child's behavior, read through the list. You could also list problems that come up with your child as a way to vent. Be sure your child does not see the journal.
• Observe your child. Spend a few minutes a day sitting silently and watching your child. Think about all the things you like about your child at this time.
• Have a special playtime with your child. Let your child pick a game or activity and play with him/her. Do not give a lot of directions or ask a lot of questions during this time. Instead, focus on enjoying your child. Start out only having 15 minutes of this special playtime. Longer playtimes could lead to disagreements or fights. Over time, you may start to really enjoy playing with your child. You then may want to spend more time playing.
• Don't be afraid to get help. A family therapist or counselor can help you build a positive relationship with your child and help you accept your child.