Creating Family Rules

Family rules let children know what behaviors are expected of them. Having rules can also help children feel safe and let them know they are part of a family. Below are some guidelines that could help you make effective family rules in your home.

• Get all family members involved in writing rules.Sit down with all family members when making family rules and get everyone's input. Adults should have final say on the rules but children should have input too. Try to get everyone to agree on the family rules.
• Keep it simple. If you have too many rules, no one will be able to remember them or abide by them. Stick to 4 or 5 rules. Having just a few rules means you may have to let some things go, and that's okay. Write the rules in words everyone in your family will be able to understand.
• Be specific. Children need rules that let them know what behaviors are okay. Very general rules, like show respect, do not do this. When making rules try to think of the specific behaviors you want to see in your family.
• Say what behavior to do, not what not to do. Telling children what not to do does not teach them what to do instead. Phrasing rules in a way that tells children what to do increases the chances that rules will be followed. Consider these examples:
  "Be gentle when touching others," rather than "Don't hit"
  "Use inside voices," rather than "Don't yell"
  "Use kind words," rather than "Don't tease or make fun of other"
  This may mean teaching your child specifically what some rules mean (like what is an "inside voice").
• Write them down. Don't assume family members will just remember rules. Instead, write them down so everyone will know what they are. Writing them down can be a fun activity. You could get a large poster board and have your child write the rules in colorful markers. Your child could even decorate the rules with pictures of stickers.
• Post in a place everyone will see. Post the rules in a room everyone goes in and at a level even the smallest family members will be able to see. Often on the fridge is a great place.
• Review rules. Don't expect your children to review the rules on their own. Have times when you go over the rules together. Do this often enough for your children to remember them, like once a week, but not so often that it becomes annoying.
• Revisit and revise rules. As children grow and change, rules need to change too. Have rules that fit your child's age. Have times when you revise the rules with your child. If a rule isn't working in your family, call a family meeting to discuss how the rule could change to make one that works.